Funeral and Visitation Etiquette
It's normal to feel unsure about what to do or say when someone dies.
Here are simple answers to the questions people often ask about visitations and funerals: what to wear, whether to bring children, what to say to the family, and when to go.
Go if you can
Being there matters more than anything you say. If you can't attend the funeral, stop by the visitation, even for a few minutes. Visitation and service times are listed with each obituary on our website.
Bringing children
Children are usually welcome, and being there can help them grieve too. Tell them ahead of time what they will see and hear, keep the visit short for little ones, and sit where you can step out if they need a break.
When to arrive
For a funeral, arrive 10 to 15 minutes early so you can greet the family and find a seat. If you're late, come in quietly and sit toward the back. At a visitation, you can come any time during the listed hours.
Share a memory
Families love to hear stories about the person they've lost, so tell one. It's natural to catch up with friends at a visitation, but keep your voice down and keep the focus on the person who died and their family.
What to say
Keep it simple. "I'm so sorry," "I'm thinking of you," or a short memory of the person is enough. Try not to explain the loss or compare it with your own. If you can't find the words, a hug or a handshake says plenty.
What to wear
Dress as you would for church, in dark or muted colors. Black, gray, and navy are always safe. Some families invite guests to wear a favorite color or a team jersey, and when they do, the obituary usually says so.
Phones and photos
Silence your phone before you go in, and keep it put away during the service. Please don't take photos or video unless the family says it's all right.
Bringing food
A meal is one of the most helpful things you can give. Ask about allergies and how many people are eating, use a dish the family doesn't need to return, and tape a note on top with your name and what's inside.
Flowers and donations
You can send flowers to the funeral home for the visitation or service, or to the family's home. Our Send Flowers page can help you order.
If the obituary asks for donations in lieu of flowers, give to the charity it names, and include the name of the person you're honoring so the charity can let the family know.
Stay in touch
Grief doesn't end with the funeral. A call, a card, or a visit in the weeks and months after means a great deal, especially on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.
When you're not sure what's right, follow the family's lead.
Call us at 859-431-0072 if you have a question about a service we're arranging.